just lost

Why am I thinking about my husband right now?
I can imagine him now. Coming towards me from behind, he slides his fingers up my arms as he wraps me in his embrace. I feel his breath on the back of my neck. I shiver a little. My first impulse is to whip around and kiss him. No. I can’t do that. I don’t want him to think I’m desperate. But we’ve been married for two years. Is it okay for me to let him know that I want to kiss him now? Is it okay for me to want to kiss him all the time? Is it okay for me to want to hold him in my arms and watch sunsets from cliffs every night?
We spent all day lazing around the house. I remember just laying with him on the couch this afternoon, losing all concentration, losing the will to get up and get on with the day. I touched his hair. I told him how I loved his hair.
The truth is he occupies my thoughts most of the time. Not just on Saturdays, when I when I know I’ll have him all to myself, most of the time. I find myself thinking about him at times when I’m in boring meetings at work, numbly moving through space and time.
Today, I thought I would be more excited about spending some time reading my book. But - as funny and engrossing as Pollan's writing is – I couldn’t get past two pages without thinking back to our afternoon on the couch. I wonder if we’ll be this cute (nauseating to some) fifty years from now. I wonder if I will still want to kiss him all the time and play with his hair. Will he still think I’m his “exotic”, sexy girl? Never mind that. I love him. I told him so in a two line email a few minutes ago (although I’m convinced that he sometimes thinks I’m crazy for doing precisely such things).
So, if this is what it’s like to be constantly distracted, then I can’t think of a more pleasant subject than my husband, by which to be distracted.